I spent 3 nights and 4 days with Mother Gaia, with the winds, the sun, the moon, the stars, the creek, the birds, the butterflies, the frogs, the spiders, the shrew.... The 4 legged, and the winged, the crawlers, the ones that fly.... the ones who journey at night when nobody is watching and the ones who play flirt fully in the morning light.
This is where I was.... tucked in with the Cedar trees, the ferns and the skin cabbage... steps away from the gentle running water.
We met as a group in the morning on the land....Our teacher began creating the main camp where she and one other woman would maintain a fire, drum, sing and prepare the medicine teas to be delivered each morning. They would create a fire for our opening ceremony that they then would use to hold our safe space, to offer intentions into and to maintain heart connection from each of us into the collective fire.
Once everyone felt settled on a spot in the forest, we each took our time to set our designated spaces up in a way that felt right and good for us. We had 60 acres to wander around and find the place that spoke to us... I craved running water, it must be the Cancer in me 😉 those crabs.... lol we love the water
Opening circle was beautiful, She ( I use She, in place of our teachers name to maintain her privacy) had each of our 2 litre mason jar with our chosen plant as a warm tea placed all around the fire on the sand next to the creek, She had added a small handmade leather medicine bag filled with our plant of choice resting against the mason jar. We sat, quietly as she called in support from the spirit world, from the lands, the trees, the tall ones, the waters, our ancestors, our ancient wisdom keepers who are wanting to be with us on this journey ... she honoured the lands and the people of the lands, the traditions the history the stories the teachings....from this beautiful land.
After completing this beautiful opening ceremony , we spoke no more . We kept our energy within, no eye contact .... and she walked us one at a time through the woods to our spots. She created a circle of our plant all around us and closed us in.....She would return in the morning between 9-10 with our tea...
Some people chose to fast the whole time, Myself and a few other women took the one plant based meal per day.
I know I am capable of fasting , and I also know myself well enough to know that I am more able to connect to my highest self, to spirit when I am fed and comfortable .
The meal would be delivered the next day between 3-4.
With no judgement of time other than the placement of the sun.... the two deliveries were my clock
R O S E M A R Y ... Ancestral Connection, Knowledge + Remembering
DAY 1 :
Settled in..... sat on my blanket... took 3 droppers full of my Rosemary Tincture, burned my rosemary smudge stick and drank my tea..... and sat. I watched.... i watched the birds bathe and eat out of the creek. I watched them dance and sing, I watched the life of a bird for a few hours......
and then the mourning came
My Mom..... OH MY GOD seemingly out of NOWHERE the immense sadness and longing for my Mom..... I cried. I cried so hard. I cried loudly, a spoke.... "I miss you.... I miss you so much.... i miss you so much...oh my god do i miss you... i love you... i will always love you.... i love you so much...... i know you're here.. i know you're always here... but i just want to see you , see your face.. i want to hug you... i think i forget what your hug feels like....."
I cried for a long time... I cried until I slept
It was still day light when I fell asleep.....
DAY 2 :
I awoke to my fresh warm tea...... it was after 9 am... in fact my tea wasn't even that warm, which meant it was probably closer to 10.
This means I slept at least 14 hours....
the heaviness, the painful sadness had left me. I stood up, I stretched, slowly and gently.. I moved through some Qi Gong.... ( I do not practice qi gong... I always intend too... but I never do) it was a very natural practice for me to move into in this setting... the slow, the gentle, present practice felt natural here. As I moved my body gently and slowly, I must have moved for 20 minutes or so,, my movement turned into more vibrant swings of the arms, bouncing of the legs, and eventually a full body shake... a let go.....
and I cried
I cried a lot... again..... the movement allowed the emotions to come out.... freely.... wildly...beautifully
I eventually came to sit, I had made a beautiful drum from Cedar and Elk hide with the teachings and guidance of Paul, a beautiful kind Elder from the Gulf Islands .... so I drummed..... I sang and I drummed..... loudly without restraint.
I watched the hummingbirds join me with curiosity , I watched the Robin join the hummingbird... and I kept singing.... when I was done.. I sat in presence with all that surrounded me.
My day continued like this.... I would sit in silence ... I would take my tincture, tea and burn rosemary... I would lay back and witness the view from my back... and I would stand... and then I would repeat this cycle... remaining in perfect harmony with my surroundings.
The message I kept receiving ...... BE...... JUST BE..... DON'T DO..... JUST BE
"What are you Present too?"
This is what I would ask myself a few times a day.... some of my answers were
~I am present to hunger
~I am present to the wind on my skin
~I am present to the sounds of the bird behind me in the trees
~I am present to the shade of Green in the maple leaf changing with the sun
~I am present to the leaves dropping from the high trees into the creek
~I am present to the sound of the tree across the way swaying in the wind.......
Day three was just like day 2.... but NO TEARS... just peace.... ahhhhhh such peace....
presence to the beat of my heart... the flutter of the hummingbird wings, the landing of the frog in the sand.
So much presence that if I were to be gazing across the water into the trees and something fluttered in my peripheral ... instead of turning and searching for what that was...... I knew...
my gaze would turn and immediately be locked in to what had moved. So in tune, so connected to the space and life around me
There was a remembering of the Wild Woman, the woman who centuries ago lay with the land , danced with the wind, climbed trees, spoke to and sang with the critters, wasn't afraid of them. She honoured them, she learned from them... she bowed to them.
This level of stillness, genuine peace, and joy in the calm, the BE-ingness had only ever been felt HERE... in this place.... and I made it known ... to Me that in order for me to live in a good way..... to nurture myself and to remain a conscious connected human on this planet... to create and offer my skills, energy and heart to others through my work and my personal life.... THIS was a crucial element.
I will seek this often... as often as possible.....
Until one day I will come back .. and I will live .... in and amongst the trees..... in the woods.
Gratitude so deep for Mother Gaia.... and for this experience